‘Self-help’ books that have numbers in their title often make me a little suspicious, but this book from Dr. Gottman, who has been studying what makes relationships succeed or fail for his entire career, is one of the most popular and best researched. It’s also not only helpful for those in a traditional marriage but for all romantic relationships.
The ‘Four Horsemen’ (criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling) is a staple of relationship therapy. We have all probably engaged in these destructive communication styles over the years, and it’s really helpful to be aware of, and work against them.
As a basic (perhaps obvious) rule- the positive needs to outweigh the negative for a relationship to be healthy. This book lays out practical ways to get the balance right.