Another brilliant book by the founder of Internal Family Systems, published last year and my new favourite book on relationships.
Using the IFS theory to explain how common ideas about what causes relationships to break down (e.g. poor communication, lack of empathy, failure to meet each others’ needs etc.) might be wrong, or certainly not the whole story. Central to IFS is the idea of multiplicity of mind- we are not monoliths and contain many sub-personalities or parts. We intrinsically understand when someone says “A part of me feels…” and Dr. Schwartz sets forth his model that makes so much sense I can’t imagine many people won’t take to it naturally.
In this book Dr. Schwartz explains how we usually respond to difficulties in relationships- trying to change our partner/s, trying to change ourselves, or disconnecting and numbing ourselves. Here readers learn to instead ‘go inside’ and find ways to become the primary caretaker of their own vulnerable, hurt, burdened parts. Our partners are then able to be the secondary caretaker.
Becoming more consistently Self-led is a continuous work-in-progress but the positive effects are undeniable. We would all do well to become (as Dr. Swchwartz puts it) more courageously loving, and this book will start to explain how we begin that journey. I honestly can’t recommend this book highly enough.