There is how we want things to be, and how things really are. When internal and external dimensions smash into each other, we often react in ways that cause further disturbance and diminish our lives. Sophie Sabbage calls these moments ‘Lifeshocks’ and in this book explains how to view them creatively, as ‘awakening experiences’. While I don’t think it’s always healthy to expect traumatic experiences to be anything other than soul-searingly painful, I found Sophie’s book touching, beautifully written and ultimately, life affirming.
Why Won't You Apologize? - Harriet Lerner
Like so many important things in life and relationships, we aren’t really taught how to make an effective apology. There are so many ways in which we can actually cause more harm than healing by not making a meaningful repair attempt, or by making an insincere ‘non-apology’. I’m sure most of us can admit to being guilty of this at times…
With lightness and humour, Dr. Lerner makes it clear in simple terms how we can make a genuine apology, restore connection and rebuild trust in our relationships.
Also of particular interest is Dr. Lerner’s approach to the process of forgiveness and letting go, which may come as a surprise, as it goes against common beliefs.
I hold this short book in high regard and recommend it often to clients.
A Dutiful Boy - Mohsin Zaidi
I think it important to learn about other humans and other communities. To acknowledge the particular struggles experienced by people of different backgrounds, cultures, faiths, political beliefs etc.
Mohsin Zaidi writes about his life as a gay man from a close-knit Shia Muslim family in East London and his journey to becoming an accomplished criminal barrister and board member of Stonewall. He describes the many challenges he faced within himself and from outside, at the intersection of race, class, religion and sexuality.
It is a funny, heart-breaking, moving account; a compelling lesson for all on the transformative power of love and acceptance.
The world needs more stories like this, and more people like Mohsin.
The Erotic Mind - Jack Morin
This is such a brilliant book I even did a presentation about it.
Jack Morin helps us to explore the most powerful but least understood dimensions of human sexuality- psychological arousal, desire and fulfilment. Reading this book and doing the simple exercises he suggests, we have the tools to piece together and make sense of what turns us on and why, what he terms our ‘Core Erotic Theme’, and discover ways we can overcome problems, enhance passion and experience more satisfaction in our sex lives.
It is accessible, inclusive, non-shaming and full of revelations that can help unlock the kind of self-discovery that is absolutely priceless.
The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
This book is divisive- many love it and many don’t. Less people seem to be in-between but I think that’s where I reside.
I struggled to connect with some of the more ‘out there’ ideas, but the core concepts- not identifying too closely with thoughts and (what appears to be) detached mindfulness, really resonated. I have found these to be incredibly beneficial in interrupting worry and rumination and not getting caught up in mind stories.
I experienced Eckhart’s voice as rather soothing which is helpful, as it took more than one listen to gain deeper understanding of the text and the teachings.
If you’re not put off by spirituality, The Power of Now can be helpful in cultivating a new relationship with your own mind. You might not reach Nirvana but you may well experience moments of insight and peace in your inner world.
Books
As I read (and listen to) quite a few books - not usually on a mountain - I thought I might write a few words about the ones I have liked and share them with you.
I’m not a professional book reviewer but I do really love books. These reviews will be my personal opinions and I hope you might find them useful.
Simon.